I have been dreaming about signing up my own book in a book fair. I know for my self that fame is not what I am for, it is to definitely express the thousand thoughts that lingers within my mind.
I have tons and tons of them, waiting to be unleashed. Unfortunately, I do not know how.
One day, there has been a divine intervention which allowed me to bumped into Ali Hazelwood's book on BookTok. The community has been hyping up Love Hypothesis at that time. I think at that moment, I have been thinking about reading it.
Disclaimer, this woman right here does have a toxic trait of not looking upon the synopsis. I want to believe myself that I like the surprise factor of it. But hmm... This will be the first and the last time that I will admit that, no. I am one of those monkeys on Bruno Mars' The Lazy Song.
When I started Love Hypothesis, I fell in love with it. Who doesn't love #FakeDating #MeetCute #Romance?!
I could definitely remember how fast I have read that book. I still remember how hot Chapter 16. The yearning that I have felt for my own Adam Carlsen is still high up until now.
And when Ali Hazelwood released Adam's POV, the BookTok community have wildered theirselves.
It was the same book which inspired my to pursue my dream and write.
After weeks of grinding, not able to sleep well, I did not rest to finish up the outline. I just wrote, and ransacked my keyboard. Words are coming through my mind, heart, and soul. Almost everything I have, the emotions I never knew was still there was poured. Not leaving anything behind.
The final stretch of the journey was not easy, yet I did not succumbed to the force that has been pulling me to put a rest on what I'm doing and give up.
When it was finally finish, I tried to look for people whom I could trust. I did not hesitate to ask them for an honest review.
This is where I realize that truth can really hit you so bad.
I was told that, what I have written needs to be polished. I should not feel bad about it, I asked for it. But also, what I feel is actually valid. This is the soul of the writer. She poured herself in her work for an amount of time.
But I know I did my best.
Months later, I received a great news.
Yesterday, we had a grade consultation in one of my major subject. The first thing that my professor told me shocked my core. "For our first activity, I think you're the only one who got a perfect score." (non-verbatim)
I mentally asked myself, what was our activity? Oh, think of a movie about disaster. Give the gist of it, make a reaction paper. "I really like how you wrote your paper."
She even told me that she presented my work with the head of our department and told him that I have the talent. Months ago, I had the most restless nights as I have been thinking about giving up writing. It also convinced me that perhaps I wasn't good enough to be a writer, and there is no such room for me to improve. Then, little did I know that one day, we will be given a task to write- which will cause me to be praised.
I know for some people, this will be one of those petty and small thing. But for me, no it wasn't. When in doubt, you still should.... fight for what you want, write, love, and all the things you are aiming and willing to do as long as you're not trampling down others.
Go chase what you want to chase. Swim your victory. Just like what they say, go little rockstar.
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